Monday Evening

I am currently a point in my life where the metaphorical gold pan is settling out and i can take some of the fragments that i've secured in my life out for when i need them. I'm positive in my choice of animation mentor and am prepared to send in my application in May (well, nearly, i need to write out the short-essays), I am secure in my "no ladies for James" Philosophy, and do have 3-4 new prospects if i happen to change my mind at a later date, and life is pretty good.

second off, i decided i am not going to sleep tonight and perhaps next week, i won't eat (just for a change of pace). I don't know why, it just is.

thirdly, I find myself swinging back to that weird zone that i was in the beginning of the year, but almost in the opposite. i find myself hating the people who are snarky to other people. sometimes change is confusing.

lastly, I would like to end this with something more aww-ish and something i don't do often enough.

Katie: You are the rock to my, well, rock. I know that in a very rare moment of my own weakness, i have you to lean on. you rock! (HA, PUN!)

Jenna: you're one of the coolest people I know, and i'm glad to have known you (wow, this kinda has a suicide note type of ring, don't it?)(don't worry, i wont kill myself), and in the infamous words of Josh Gunter "you and Jenna are practically the same person" ( I can't remember where that was from (ok, well that's kind of a lie, but i don't wish to say from where, MUAHAHA))(lotsa asides here...)

Ms. Fritz: you are a cool cat. Yes, sarcasm is also my native tongue, and yes, Keanu Reeves is quite possibly the coolest man alive. oh, and i nearly have enough money for the solar sail for our Ship.

and if i could time travel:

5th Grade James: Life will get harder, but don't worry and don't sweat it. also 2 things to note. those people you think are stupid, you were right, they grew up to be a bunch of dumbasses, but they won't bother you for too long. and #2, please find meghan raebel, and focus on remembering her (we also have amazing mental powers, espicially with memory) because i can't seem to recall.

7th grade James: you might not remember it, but we were a happy child just a year ago. don't be angry at the world. life gets better. no, we don't get the social life we wished for right now, but, we do learn to enjoy all of our "James" time. so BE HAPPY!

10th Grade James: Bricky's great, right? you're not changing at all for her, right? well, before you get mad and pissy at the world later on, Brocky is going to give you a yellow rose on the third night of the play. that same night, she's going to give Nate a red rose. let that sink in. you understand now? yes, we know that all the sexual frustration of 15 years of life is a difficult burden to bear, but it would be beter to bear it for now. now, i'm not supposed to reveal the future, but you remember Sarah, who you met at the State Fair. well, let's just say that that boat hasn't sailed just yet.

11th grade James (early year): Hey, isn't Sarah great, yeah, i think she's wonderful too. look, remember to hold onto this feeling of mental clarity, and try to carry it on to whatever lies ahead.

11th Grade James (later year): yeah, Sarah basically dumped you by not talking to you for a month, sucks, doesn't it? well, first off, i know what went wrong, she didn't actually want to go bowling that night, she just didn't have the guts to tell you, and she felt like you forced her into it. i would suggest apologizing, but you can't take my advice (that would create a new time stream). Oh and that look that sarah wente gave you that night, i know what that's all about, just promise me you won't kill her when you find out (i managed to not to, but make sure you hold it under control). Lastly, while it feels like you still have that clarity you had from Sarah, you have to know that it's become malignant and you to open yourself to changing who you are in order to correct that.

12th grade James: you remember that advice i gave you in my last letter, you just now started to take it? oh and make sure you read The Fountainhead, and keep yourself open to change, it will become fantastic on the flip side.

and, as a final.

To Sarah Cross: the likelyhood of you reading this is near impossibility, but i have to say it anyway. it has been nearly 6 months since you stooped talking to me the first time and 4 months since we stopped talking. I apologize for not realizing at the time that you were still fragile from the rape, and that i was included in the umbrella of men you luke-warm trusted. but i also must thank you for opening up to me so soon after you had been hurt. the moments i had with you, though brief, will last me for a lifetime. I'm still getting over you, and i fear the day i get my license, for it just might be the day where i have the weakest willpower and i end up seeing you.

yours truly,
James Mahaney