perserverance

today i was called a jerk by multiple people. you know what? I guess most people could say that, and i don't get angry. I have no idea why, i mean someone as sympathetic and empathetic as me being called a jerk? i should be down-right insulted, right? But I find myself very comfortable in the idea, that it's something that people will think and i don't care.

I guess i'm beginning to train myself to being apathetic, not bottling my emotions, but them whither and die from no attention. I guess i simply don't care anymore, now that i can see my goal, i've stopped bothering with things that won't help me. Such as driving, always thought of it as something that was optional and not necessary, which is true. mostly because it doesn't fit with becoming an animator. it's quite strange how my thoughts are beginning to center more and more on how something will get me closer or farther away from my ultimate goal.

it's frigthening how acute this thought has become, allowing me to shut out other distractions for the first time in my life. I'm finally giving women no second thought (which i've been attempting to learn how to do for the past 5 years) and i find myself secure in that ideaology.

it's quite comfortable finally reaching the opther side of this part of myself. i find that the older i become, i don't 180 on how i used to be, but instead kept moving in that direction until i reached a comfortable and natural position. such as religion, I used to big into god, and as i got older, i grew in my faith. then after all that growth, i looked around and realized that it was a crock of bull, but i was still the same person who walked through the haze. perhaps it's a journey through a dark valley that changes us, but when we get to the hill on the other side, though changed and scarred, we're no longer frightened of the next dark valley.

well, that be it